It's Getting Hard To Write This Shit!
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6 Comments It's Getting Hard To Write This Shit! - 07-11-2006 23:58:37
The number one reason being that there is no way I can get what is in my head to come out of my fingertips. Not in any way that would make sense that is. You can't see it of course, but I just sat here staring at the keyboard for a good 20 minutes trying to come up with the next sentence. This actually sums up my life pretty well. I have all of this stuff in my head that I really do want to get out. That I want to make sense of. But, it just wont happen because I'm not that good with my words and I'm not that patient. Exactly like most other aspects of my life. I get these ideas in my head sometimes. I think I've finally come up with the solution to my problems, or found something I'm excited about or whatever. Then I start trying to make it happen. Sometimes I only get as far as thinking about how I'm going to make it happen and that's when it feels like the world just caved in on me. It's often times just little things at first but then they start to pile up fast and before you know it I'm so frustrated I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. That's usually about the time someone comes along to give me a pep talk to get me back on track. I really do appreciate these people but frankly I don't think they have a clue what they are talking about. It's always easier to armchair quaterback for someone than it is to live in thier shoes. I see my life from all sides. I know what I'm capable of and what I'm not. And just becasue I'm feeling like a useless pile of shit at this particular minute doesn't mean I think it's all bad. I love my life. Not really sure what the fuck all of that is supposed to mean, especially to you. If you just came here for the photos and got sucked into this nonsense... SORRY:) So... the photo above is part of a large collection of photos I have up at www.BehindTheFetish.com. A while back when I put that site together it was becasue I had just dicovered that I really liked that stuff as a whole. I was all excited about getting it shown somewhere. Now that part of it will be shown somewhere I'm not the least bit excited about it. Here's how all of that came crashing down... The South Park Photo Club that I like to participate in but am unfotunately way to fucking lazy and uninspired to shoot photos for is having a show at the Whistle Stop, a local bar. We were each supposed to submit 2 or 3 photos. There was some worry about how many people would actually come through with photos so I said I'd frame more photos since I was going to be printing small anyway and mine could be spread out to fill space if needed. Frames were bought and it came time to choose the photos. While I like all of the photos on thier own I think they only work really well as a whole collection. I tried to come up with 4 sets of 3 similar photos. I finally decided on most of them but it involved me printing a couple of more from certain shoots. So I waited until Monday night(I was suppposed to have turned them in by Monday) to print them and discovered I didn't have any of the files I needed. Oops! I was also going to reprint ALL of the images becasue the ones I had were living in a box and being looked at all of the time so the surfaces had started to look like shit. Well, my PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT EPSON PRINTER was out of black ink. Now mind you, up until I changed the black ink it had been printing perfectly. Then... ALL of the colors fucked up. A nozzel check pattern came out less than half printed. So I ran the cleaning utility... over and over and over again. I'd say about 8 times. Then I ran out of magenta ink. Of course I didn't have any. So now if I want to show photos(which I feel like I have to at this point) I have to just frame the ones I've got and forget about selling them becasue the prints suck so bad. So I say, fuck it! I started from scratch and went through the box just picking photos for whatever random thing attracted me to it. No rhyme or reason to the selections. Once I had chosen them I sat down to frame them. I had all new frames, mats and plexiglass. The glass comes with a film on either side to protect it from scratches until it's in the frame. Well, when you pull the film off a rediculous amount of static is generated which in turn makes the glass suck every piece of lint, cat hair or dust straight to it. Which is then quite impossible to get off. It had been borderline up until then but that's when I finally lost it. I was sitting there struggling to frame a bunch of pictures that I didn't even want to show. Did I mention the show is at a bar? Who the fuck goes to a bar to look at photos? I'm thinking to myself how stupid it was to spend over $200 on frames when I was broke as fuck and had just moved and needed the money worse than ever. I feel like a walking disaster these days. I still smile alot, but being able to smile isn't eveything. I want to feel good again. Since it's alomst 4:00AM again I think I'll go get in bed and stare at the ceiling for an hour or so wishing my mind would slow down long enough for me to fall asleep. So how was your day? Did I mention my shift key is sticking because I punched my keyboard when the ink ran out? Canon EOS 20D
17 mm
1/160 sec
f 10
ISO 100