I'm Still Smiling
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1 Comments I'm Still Smiling - 10-24-2008 23:58:03
Sometimes I don't feel much like smiling. But this is just like anything else. Life is full of speed bumps(or brick walls in some cases) that you have to deal with. There isn't any alternative except to just call it quits and eat a bullet(or whatever form of selfish death you prefer). This little "house fire" thing has beat me down in some ways and raised me up in others. Life and all the things that go along with it feels more fragile than ever. What if I were asleep when the fire started? What if I weren't home to find it and call the fire dept.? What if Eloise would have been home instead of me? What if something would have happened to her? it's all too fucking much to think about. But you do. You can't help it. As my house was burning I was sitting on the neighbors lawn drinking a few beers that a friend brought over and smiling and laughing. It's all you can do at a time like that as far as I'm concerned. I might feel different if I hadn't had time to grab my camera gear and computer case on the way out but I doubt it.

I'm rambling. Let me back up and give you the story. I was at home by myself working on this here computer. Rebecca had been over earlier and I almost went out drinking with her. If I'd have done that I probably wouldn't have anything right now. Luckily I said no to the drinking. So as I'm sitting at the computer I thought I heard someone fucking around out behind the house where the studio is so I went out the back door to check it out. As I walked out the back door I heard the fire and saw the orange glow on the studio but it didn't quite register what it was. For a second I thought someone was back there with some kind of strobe light or something. Then I stepped around the corner and looked up. What I had heard sitting at the computer was burnt wood falling off the house. The double windows upstairs were blown out and flames were shooting about 10 feet out of them. The roof was already on fire by then. It's really a strange thing to see. It's a bit unbelievable for a split second and then for another split second you just stare at it and go "Oh shit, that's really happening and it's way to big to put out myself". After those milliseconds of disbelief you start to think finally.

Here comes a public service announcement... when shit is happening fast and you have a billion things running through your head it might sound like your cell phone has lost it's signal when you call 911. Yep... some smart motherfucker somewhere decided to use a beep/tone that sounds way to close to what happens when you drop a call/lose your signal to announce that you have contacted 911. So after redialing 911 about 5 times before I figured it out I was finally able to tell the nice operator what the fuck was happening. As I'm talking to the 911 lady I'm yanking cords from the back of my main computer and scrolling through the list of things I want to get out in my brain and trying to prioritize. I said all I felt I needed to the 911 operator and hung up so I could use both arms to grab shit. On my first trip out the door I encountered 3 or 4 people running IN my door. They had seen the smoke from the street and stopped to help. They asked what they should grab and I told them to get whatever looked like it was worth something. Don't get me wrong now... I appreciate the help more than any of them could know. It's one of those things that gives you a little faith in humanity when random strangers offer help when everything you have is in danger of being lost. But... once the fire dept. got there and I got a chance to sit down and take inventory of what made it to the neighbors lawn I was REALLY surprised by what people thought was "worth something". A few of those things I was actually disappointed didn't get burned up:)

Speaking of the fire dept.! If this would have happened when I was much younger I'd have probably grown up to be a fireman. They were rockstars and they saved my house. We all KNOW they're rockstars, but after this I really don't think anyone can appreciate them fully until you've needed them. It's a pretty awesome site to watch. People running into a burning house for no reason other than to save your shit. They could have sat there on the outside and threw water at it all night without risking themselves. They didn't though and they saved everything. Well... except for our bed. Yeah, The Bed was our only loss. It happened to be right under where the fire started and wound up completely soaked in water and whatever that foam shit is they spray on fires.

So where are we now? Our house is un-livable so we have to find a new place to live. Until we do my super awesome boss is letting us live in an unused part of the building she owns. It's definitely going to cost us a bunch of money to get everything squared away and it's going to tax what little patience I still have but everything will work out. It could have been worse. It can ALWAYS be worse... so smile;)

Oh yeah... the photo of me... I don't even remember who shot it but that's what I was doing most of the weekend. We had been planning to go to this event for a while and decided after the fire that we REALLY needed to go hang out with our friends.

As fucked up as it feels sometimes I really do have a Lucky Life!
Canon EOS 40D
85 mm
1/800 sec
f 5
ISO 100